Those who know me well, will know that I am a fairly sensitive soul. While on the surface I am full of bile and hate, underneath I am the kind of man that gets a lump in his throat during the end of Parenthood and E.T. Don't even mention UP!, I blubbed like a ridiculous little girl during the opening montage (and still do - each and every time I see it).
This morning I had to drop my son off at Nursery. As soon as we entered the building he gripped my shirt tight. He knew where he was going and he went very quiet. As I approached the baby room and attempted to hand him to the lady, he gripped me tighter and tighter - screaming, crying and howling (in that order) and refusing to let go of my shirt. Eventually he let go and I passed him over. He then looked at me with tears streaming down his face and attempted to reach for me. I stood there like a lemon and watched his little face. Eventually the lady snapped me out of it and said, "Bye bye" - in a way that said "Don't stand there gawping, you are making this harder for all of us". In the end I left and walked out of the front door listening to his howls. As I sat in my car and started the engine, I'm afraid to admit I welled up a little. The emotion is hard to describe. Imagine every relationship where you were ever dumped or cheated on colliding into you like a runaway bus on fire. It was basically like that.
While I am sure it will get better, I cannot help but remain saddened by these turn of events. The sad image of my son attempting to reach me from across the room as I stand there like a ridiculous statue is one that may well stay with me for life. Poor little man.
Though I am not sure what is so poor about him, he is probably asleep right now or eating nice hot food or playing with toys. I, on the other hand, am at work. Fed up. I think he has the better end of the deal.
The reason I am fed up dear friends is that the sale of our house has completely fallen through. The thing that we worked very hard to achieve (with all the tidying for viewings, repairs and alterations to make it ship shape) is now gone. My wife and I spent most of last night discussing how we can make lemonade from lemons and came up with some exciting plans about fixing up our current house and staying where we are for two or three years. It's not the end of the world, but it still feels like a bitter pill. Both factors (the house and my son being upset) have combined to leave me feeling rather low today and feeling disconnected from life in general. I am also very tired. Partly my fault, partly my son's fault. I stayed up too late desperately trying to get the most out of the free time we have in the evening and my son woke up crying as we went to bed as he is teething. Not much sleep was had.
People are nice, but sometimes they are too nice. I took a half day's holiday yesterday to look for houses. Everyone around me at work was excited for me and wished me luck. Then last night it all fell through and was a sore subject. I came to work this morning and everyone wanted to know how it went. This is the behaviour of very nice people and people who care, but I just wanted to attack them with a leaf blower full of acid and nails. I think that says more about me than them.
Still. Onwards and upwards.
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| Comments about This Article |
| oh i love this post :) it's SO true too! with cohen i was always rniushg things - but with lucas i've learned to hold on to the moment. if i made a list like this - i'm pretty sure ours would be identical :)
Comment By: Lorenzo, 10 Mar 2012, Rating: 2/5  |
| hey, just wanted to comment :)
Comment By: Google New Algorithm 2011, 16 Feb 2012, Rating: 3/5  |
| i really hav no idea..
Comment By: software tips, 06 Feb 2012, Rating: 3/5 |
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