People that know me know I have theories. I have lots of them. From attempting to explain why Elton John left Watford this week (Salt corrosion) to trying to explain why people employ Amy Lamé (For which I have no answers, unless you need a spokesperson for dicks the world over).
My favourite theory relates to what happened to Nicholas Cage.
Picture the scene, 1995, Nicolas Cage, fresh from winning his best actor Oscar, is on a plane to a far off distant climb to celebrate.
The plane approaches the Bermuda Triangle, and Cage, the Oscar winning actor of previously self-restrained ability, is replaced by an over-acting, shit-eat-grinning, lunatic.
He effectively goes from this to this in just 11 years, or this, Hallelujah? Fucking hell more like.
The "Twat" creature that now inhabits Cage's body is on a non stop quest for evil. It intends to use Cage as its tool to make the worst films ever committed to screen. There are the odd occasions where Cage gets the better of the creature and makes something decent (Adaptation) but the creature usually wins out.
The creature residing in Cage's head also requires some access to our oxygen, which forces Cage to wear ridiculous wigs as his head must remain shaved at all times. Or, he may be bald.
Steve Martin was also on a similar flight back in 1990, he was on his way to write "L.A Story" when he was invaded my a "twat" creature also.
This creature has caused Steve Martin to fall so hard from grace that he is even kidding himself that he can play Inspector Cleauseu, not once, but twice. The words, "un", followed by "fucking", then closely proceeded by "believable", spring to mind. It's not as if it was bad enough that he thought he could better Phil Silvers. He is obviously happy that the piss on Peter Seller's grave is dry enough to try again. Let's compare exhibit a, to exhibit b. I think the only conclusion that can be drawn is, no. No Mr. Martin, stop it, you are shit.
I would also like to mention John Cleese. One of my heroes, until the last few years where it would seem that he would appear in a bestiality film if the fee was agreeable. Just imagine Basil Fawlty shagging a chicken asking you not to mention the war, well, that is what will happen.
As If it wasn't bad enough with Eric Idle appearing in everything for money, now Cleese (The man with enough integrity to only do 2 series of Fawlty Towers) doing anything for cash. Careful viewers would have noticed Cleese playing Chief Inspector Dreyfus in Martin's Pink Panther 2. This, is just wrong, he helped ruin Bond, now he is crossing the streams with Steve Martin and pissing on Peter Sellers' grave too.
Well done Cleese.
While I have your attention Cleese, I have been meaning to say this for a while, Clockwise was shit.
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