If you had to be caught having sex with any electrical appliance, you'd pick a hoover wouldn't you? And, in the world of hoovers, you would have to plump for a Henry, as a Henry has a real face, an orifice, and is asking for it. You could pretend you were cell mates in the drama Oz, which featured a sexual assault almost every episode, or one of the cast of Hollyoaks Nights. Maybe the weird cat faced one who did it in the alleyway with the one with the ear ring in far too much detail.
It would seem that someone has beaten all of you (not me) perverts to it.
This isn't a new news story, but I still feel it is an important one.
For too long now Henry hoovers have been teasing decent folk and tempting them to stray and fuck their dirty pipe mouths. I say, the hoover was asking for it, and whilst the Polish man should be rightly ashamed, he should also be able to hold his head high as he is just another nameless victim of that slut of a hoover. I notice even the Henry hoover company, or "pimp", says about it, "Famous for its looks, but under its fascia lies a powerful, reliable vacuum cleaner ready to go time and time again." What a fucking whore.
Even little people are falling into the Henry honey trap. Something must be done. Before we know it, there will be council estates full of single Henrietta Hoovers, wheeling around their hybrid hoover children, doing anything to support them, holding down maybe two or three cleaning jobs to ensure that their hose-faced children have enough bread to eat.
In all seriousness, what about a hoover would make you hot blooded? Is it the fact that you could immediately remove the evidence? Perhaps, in Poland, they don't have Henry hoovers and the Polish man thought that he had found a magic hoover, one with a face. Perhaps this poor man was victim to the same horrible magic that haunted Andrew McCarthy in Mannequin. Maybe, moments before he was caught, the hoover was Kim Cattrall, egging him on in her elderly way. Just two nights earlier he had taken the hoover round London on the back of his motorbike and they fell in love. Only, unlike Andrew McCarthy, the Polish man will forever be known to everyone that knows him as the "Hoover fucker", and not, "Andrew McCarthy, like Andrew McCarthy is.
I can only imagine what the Polish man must have been saying when he was arrested, "No, no, you don't understand, Henrietta and I are in love, she is an ancient princess stuck in a hoover, but when no one is looking, she comes alive and makes me have sex with her face."
I love the way The Sun reported it, “The guard who found him said he was groaning louder than the hoover.”
The funniest part of the whole story is, "A horrified security guard at Great Ormond Street Children’s Hospital told him to “clean himself and the hoover” before kicking him out.The shameless builder later told bosses he was vacuuming his underwear – “a common practice in Poland”.
Never buy a second hand polish hoover.
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| Comments about This Article |
| Robbie your sick ps mines a 52 from the right please.
Comment By: Jon Rogers, 10 Nov 2008, Rating: 5/5  |
| I love my Henry
Comment By: Robbie Jackson, 07 Nov 2008, Rating: 5/5 |
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